


A Lonely Man's Fear

by DryadOffical (HalfDryad)



Series: The Fear of a Lonely Man [2]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Character Study, Crying, Kissing, M/M, Peter Lukas Centric, Soft Husbands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:21:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24296530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HalfDryad/pseuds/DryadOffical
Summary: Still here, feeling the strangeness of the world from the comfort of their bed, Peter lays after just waking, trying to make sense of things. Elias had gone back to his Panopticon for a little while, needing the power that stemmed from it, and they both needed to think. But now, Peter doesn’t relish in the lonely feeling he gets of being in this large apartment all by himself, he thinks of the night before, how he felt comforted when Elias was with him, taking care of him, kissing him, and loving him. It was strange. He took comfort in laying back down in their shared bed, rolling over to press his face into the pillow at his side, breathing in Elias’ lingering smell and relaxing once more.Part two of "The Fear of a Lonely Man", a vague Peter Lukas character study if he lived and lost his Avatar powers
Relationships: Elias Bouchard/Peter Lukas
Series: The Fear of a Lonely Man [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1754029
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35





	A Lonely Man's Fear

**Author's Note:**

> Back again with more Peter stuff and lil LonelyEyes moments! I've been thinking about the first part of this series a lot the last couple of days, and how I wanted to explore it a little bit more just because how much fun I had writing that bit. If you haven't read the first installation of this series I think you should, it's one of my favorite things I've wrote in awhile. I might continue the series with little snippets like this, not sure if they'll be any longer than this one or the other one, but we'll see!

Peter Lukas devoted his entire life to his family's patron, to their shared fear, to what was in all reality, their God. Peter loves two things in his life, and he thinks that one caused this demise, being torn from his patron to no longer serve. Peter loves The Lonely and he loves Jonah Magnus. Waking up in their apartment after the end of the world, not feeling the pull to his God was something he didn’t expect, was something he stewed in until Elias found him, lost and confused, on their bed. 

Peter felt the moment he died in his domain, the pain of being pulled apart as he fought against the Archivist and his compelling, how fighting against things like that was second nature. No one got to know him unless he let it happen, and here he was, spilling his guts to The Archivist, telling him everything. The pain was like being burnt up by the sun, a stark contrast against the coldness of the Lonely, being burned up and Known, and he was dead. Was he? No. No, he woke up some time later, collapsed on the floor of the apartment Elias owned, bought by Lukas money, a home he never wanted to admit was home. 

Still here, feeling the strangeness of the world from the comfort of their bed, Peter lays after just waking, trying to make sense of things. Elias had gone back to his Panopticon for a little while, needing the power that stemmed from it, and they both needed to think. But now, Peter doesn’t relish in the lonely feeling he gets of being in this large apartment all by himself, he thinks of the night before, how he felt comforted when Elias was with him, taking care of him, kissing him, and loving him. It was strange. He took comfort in laying back down in their shared bed, rolling over to press his face into the pillow at his side, breathing in Elias’ lingering smell and relaxing once more. 

But now because of his newfound… Humanity? Was he even that? He could feel  _ more.  _ He could feel his age and how he was aging, how his joins cracked and popped when he did certain things throughout the day. Not that it never happened before, it just happened more now, was actually painful, something he wasn’t used to. So while he was thinking about what was going on, of what had happened to him, he’ll… he will be human, as much as one can be when their husband was basically controlling the apocalypse. He thought about picking up and going to the Panopticon, wanting to see Elias and to see what it was like now the world was in ruin. 

  
  


Peter did break, about a week after Elias found him in their apartment, he tried to go back into the Lonely. While not the first time since coming back, this was the hardest he’s tried since doing so, and just knowing for sure that he was cast out, that broke him. Peter fell to his knees in the living room, clutching at his chest as the pain there grew, a tightness overcoming his throat, and hot tears spilling down his cheeks as he cried there. Curled up on himself and the tears streaming from his eyes in fat blobs, his entire body shaking, but no sound coming from him as he was there on the floor of a place that was truly home. 

Then there were hands pressed against his back, warm through the thin fabric of the shirt he was wearing, curling over his sides and pulling him back against a thin frame that he focused on. Peter focused on the breathing of the person behind him, as Elias pressed close to him and held him close. Elias pressed his forehead against Peter’s back, shifting his hands to wrap around Peter from behind, pressing flat against his chest. 

“Breathe. Breathe with me, Peter.” His voice is calm and level, and Peter focuses on that calmness, focusing on that and the feeling of Elias’ chest rising and falling against his back, he breathes with him. In…… hold…...out….. Repeat. It takes a moment before he’s finally calm, feeling strange after crying for the first time in… so long. He lets himself rest a little more heavily against Elias behind him, knowing it can’t be too comfortable for the much smaller man, but he still does it nonetheless, and gets no complaints from his husband. 

“What happened?” Elias asks after pressing a small kiss against Peter’s back through his shirt. 

“I don’t. Really know.” Peter shakes his head. “No I do know, I tried to go into the Lonely, and I think it finally hit me, that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to return.” One of Elias’ hands trails down Peter’s arm, interlocking their fingers when he reaches Peter’s hand. 

“Do you want to go back?” Elias questions, curious, but no compulsion behind his words. Peter takes a moment to reply to that once he realizes he doesn’t have to. 

“I don’t know Elias, I really don’t.” Peter takes their interlocked hands and raises them closer to his face and presses a kiss to the back of Elias’ hand then pressing his forehead against the spot, resting. “I’ve thought about that a lot over the last couple of weeks, and I don’t actually know. I miss the pull, but I think that would happen to anyone once broken off from their avatar. And I’ve known nothing but The Lonely since I was very young. Thinking about it now, I don’t know what I’m going to do, with my age and no longer having that patron, it’s… odd. I feel lost on a path I’ve never seen before.” 

“We can figure things out as we go, for now I just want you to take care of yourself.” Elias stands, and Peter almost says something, scared that Elias is going to leave him again. But then his Beholding Avatar reaches a hand out for Peter, and Peter takes it, standing up from his spot on the floor. 

“So… what would you like me to do?” Peter asks, not letting go of his husband's hand as the slighter man leads him to their room. “It’s not as if I can do much other than sit back and watch you finish what you’ve started.” Elias pushes Peter to sit down on their bed. 

“And that’s all I want you to do. You can come to the panopticon if you wish on occasion, but you can also stay here as well. 

“Where will you be?” Peter asks, laying back on the bed, pulling Elias with him, who laughs softly and kisses Peter gently, more gentle than he’s ever done before. 

“I think for a little while, I can be here. I’ll go back to the panopticon when I feel the need to, but for now, I think I can stay with you.” Elias kisses Peter again and the ex-Lonely avatar wraps his arms around Elias’ body and holds him close, kissing him back, pushing everything he can into said kiss. 

“I don’t want anything else right now, your presence is all I desire.” Peter whispers, voice soft and a little breathless when they pull apart. Elias runs his fingers through his husband's salt and pepper hair and kisses his forehead. 

“Then you shall get it.” 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope everyone enjoyed this as much as I liked writing this sort of thing! 
> 
> I'm also always doing lil ficlet requests for anything on tumblr @transjonmartin, and I'm over on twitter @HalfDryad!


End file.
